February 1, 2012
So Bunny’s new diet is boring.
The last time Bunny lost a bunch of weight on a low-carb diet, there was a set of rules she understood and
mostly followed. (Anyway, she followed enough of them that she got into a size 8.) Now that the Carb-Hating Doctor has brought Nancy Nutrition on the scene, there are more rules. New rules. The playing field has changed. Notable among these news rules are:
Limited proteins:Bacon, cheese, and beef are limited to three times a week. Total, not each.
What this means to Bunny is that if she puts cheese in an omelette and has a side of bacon with it (not a whole side, that’s half a pig…what we mean is a side order, 3 or 4 slices), anyway, if she does that, then she has trashed her limited proteins for the week and only has one left. Bunny doesn’t like this. She likes to have cheese sticks as snacks, and to sprinkle queso on her chicken-fajitas-no-tortilla-rice-or-beans (essentially a sizzling plate of grilled chicken with a little guacamole and salsa for your dipping pleasure) at the cantina across the street.
Net Carbs: You know those low-carb candy things they used to sell all over the place until the Carb Fad ended a few years ago? Well, those were helpful in Bunny’s weight loss. She only had 25 carbs allowed each day on that last diet, but because those goodies were made with sugar alcohol, you were allowed to subtract the sugar alcohol carbs, AND the fiber carbs. (Why? We have absolutely no idea. Bunny failed chemistry, and so did we.) So, a snack that was 18 carbs went down to 3 net carbs. Bunny counted it as 3, and all was well. Size 8.
Well, Nancy Nutrition has called a halt to that, and net carbs are a no-go on the new diet. Count the carbs, not the net carbs. Net carbs are for diabetics, she said, and have nothing to do with weight loss.
Tomatoes: On that last diet, the Carb-Hating Doctor let her eat tomatoes, she just said to watch it because they’re carby. Bunny happily munched her favorite snack, and it was ok. Now Nancy Nutrition says NO TOMATOES. EVER. THEY ARE A FRUIT. NONE. ZERO. ZIP.
So there are the new rules. Bunny liked the old rules better. She lost weight with the old rules. Why are we adding new ones when the old ones worked? (Did we mention, Size 8?)
On her last visit with Nancy Nutrition, Bunny hadn’t lost much weight. Two pounds in a month (a pound a week is what her dietary supervisors are
insisting on hoping for). Nancy tried to figure out why her weight loss was slow, and Bunny ended up whining about all of the above, tossing in an extra whine about how drab her morning shake is without a banana.
Nancy Nutrition said: OK, this isn’t going to work if you’re miserable, and nothing made by Mother Nature is going to make you fat. So let’s make a deal. Eat tomatoes, cheese, bananas, as you like. Don’t go overboard, though. Make healthy choices every time. Let’s see how you do. If you can still lose weight while adding in these foods, it’s OK with me. Just keep a food log so I can see what you’re doing.
You’ve got it, Nancy!! Let’s go!!!!!!!!
Oh, boy. Bunny’s REALLY got to lose weight now. We can just hear Nancy Nutrition’s I-told-you-so-now-stop-whining-and-go-back-to-doing-it-my-way speech.
Hello, tomatoes! Bunny’s missed you!
December 19, 2011
Bunny met with Nancy Nutrition today.
To review, Nancy is the Carb-Hating Doctor’s co-conspirator in Bunny’s strictly-supervised weight-loss program.
She asked how Bunny was doing with her new low-carb diet. Bunny reported that she was
bored to tears doing pretty well, but complained loudly that she was admitted to being a tad frustrated with the lack of choices.
Nancy made some suggestions.
Bunny, do you like potato chips?
OK, good, I have a zero-carb option for you that you can make at home. It’s super easy.
OK. What is it?
What color is that?
Kale is that green stuff they put along the edges of the salad bar.
Zero carbs, AND it’s a Superfood! It tastes like popcorn.
Bunny was skeptical, but Nancy Nutrition asked her to trust her. She handed her the recipe and asked her to promise to go home and make kale chips.
Bunny, a woman of her word, went home after a stop at the market, where she had to ask for help from the Nice Produce Man, who had to go into the back room to find kale.
So here’s how to make kale chips (since we know you’ve been waiting with bated breath):
You spray olive oil on a cookie sheet. Then you tear off pieces of kale, and arrange them on aforementioned cookie sheet. Sprinkle with sea salt, and bake at 350 for 5-10 minutes. Until brown.
Well, it never really got brown, and Bunny kind of overcooked it, and it did fill the kitchen with a definite kale-y aroma, but here they are. Kale chips.
So how are they, Bunny?
Well, they’re not terrible at all. They’re weird, but OK. Kind of papery when you spatula them off the cookie sheet, and when you pop them into your mouth, the texture IS kind of popcorny, but do they taste like popcorn? Yeah, no. They have a strong, sort of bitter flavor, but strangely, it’s not unpleasant. They’re a far cry from those nice Lay’s Classics, and they’re actually pretty ugly, not cute like potato chips. But they’re easy to make and when they cool off they are quite crunchy. They’ll do in a pinch. I put too much salt an them, though, and I burned them a bit.
Um…..no thanks, Bunny.
Update: Bunny didn’t lose any weight this time, but she didn’t gain any, so her total loss stands at 14 pounds.
December 12, 2011
So this new low-carb diet Bunny is on restricts her to no more than 25 carbs a day. No rice, no pasta, no bread, no dairy, no fruit, no sugar, no dessert, no fun.
And no tomatoes. Yet. They’ll let Bunny have tomatoes back (on a limited basis) in a month or so, if she’s losing weight. (And she’d better be.)
Yes, they’re using tomatoes (Bunny’s favorite food) as a carrot. (What a rotten thing to do to a bunny.)
Let us explain who “they” is. (Or is it “are”?)
“They” #1 is the Carb-Hating Doctor. “They” #2, her
co-conspirator companion in this weight-loss program, is Nancy Nutritionist.
Bunny goes to the doctor’s office every 10 days, rain or shine. One time she sees Nancy. Next time, she sees the Doctor. Next, she just sees the nurse for the dreaded weigh-in. 1,2,3, lather, rinse, repeat. This cycle will continue until Bunny’s buns are shrunk. (Or is it “shrunken”? Paging Grammar Girl, please pick up the white courtesy telephone…)
The Doctor wants Bunny under her thumb. A weigh-in every 10 days gives Bunny absolutely no room to stray, and that’s exactly the way the Doctor likes it. She’s
evil a smart Doctor.
So Bunny is firmly entrenched under the Carb-Hating Doctor’s thumb, eating her 25 carbs a day and dreaming of tomatoes.
Since Bunny started this program, just over a month ago, she has gone on a cruise (with Trudy! They made up!), and has dealt with Thanksgiving. Even with these extreme food challenges…
Bunny has lost 14 pounds!
<pause for thunderous applause>
And the best part? Are you ready?
Bunny had to buy smaller jeans!
Size 18! Her 20’s were falling off! What better evidence can there be that Bunny’s buns are shrinking?
December 8, 2011
Did you miss us?
We took a break for a while.
We were kind of stuck. Bunny wasn’t losing weight, and when you’re writing a weight-loss blog, you eventually run out of content when nobody’s actually losing weight.
Plus–and please don’t be offended by this–we kind of felt like we were talking to the walls. We have lots of hits on our BunnyBlog every day, even while we were BunnyNapping, but very little feedback. So y’all are out there, and that’s fantastically awesome, but we sort of just kind of didn’t know whether you were coming because we were entertaining you, educating you, or if you just liked to look at the cute clipart.
So, we all needed a break.
But things have changed!
Bunny’s buns are shrinking!!!!
So here’s what happened. One day, Bunny went to her Bunnycologist, and the nurse took her blood pressure. It was high.
This scared Bunny, so she finally broke down and made an appointment with her regular doctor–you remember her, right? We call her the Carb-Hating Doctor. She’s a very good doctor, but she gives Bunny that withering look of abject disapproval, and she’s kind of scary.
Bunny had successfully avoided the Carb-Hating Doctor for some time. But now her blood pressure was worrisome, and she was just scared, so she bit the bullet and went to stand in front of the firing squad.
As she was waiting in the examination room for the Carb-Hating Doctor’s first appearance, she grabbed a flyer from the rack on the wall. It was about a weight-loss program the doctor was recommending. Bunny started to read it–not because she was really interested, but mostly because she knew the doctor would have already seen the results of her weigh-in, and Bunny hoped that if the doctor saw her reading this, maybe she wouldn’t kill her. Flyer as Shield–would it work?
It did, mostly. The Carb-Hating Doctor didn’t kill her. She did give her that withering look, though.
And Bunny was on the program before she left the office. 25 carbs a day maximum, no tomatoes or cheese for the first wave.
You may recall that tomatoes are Bunny’s favorite food. Ugh.
By the way, Bunny’s blood pressure was just fine, despite her Fear of Doctorly Disapproval and Not-Niceness. Apparently, that one elevated blood pressure reading was the Universe telling Bunny it was time to go to the doctor.
So here we go again.
Let’s get this party started!!!!
April 26, 2011
You know what that means, right?
A festival of sugar and candy, right up there with Halloween and Christmas.
How is a person supposed to lose weight when surrounded by Peeps and M&Ms and Cadbury eggs?
We learned in last year’s Easter post just how damaging those innocent-looking marshmallowy chocolatey things can be.
So there’s Bunny at work, minding her own business, and a kind and well-meaning employee proudly presents her with a beautiful Easter basket.
Oh, crap. How kind.
She had made it herself, and had clearly put a lot of effort into it. There was a stuffed bunny, a game of Carrot Baseball (ooo, fun–hit the ball with a plastic bat that looks like a carrot, lots of fun and $1 at Aahs!, thank you very much), and lots and lots of you-know-what.
Really? Candy? Bunny doesn’t even really like candy. Well, she likes it, but she can go a long time without having any candy, and it doesn’t bother her.
But there it was. Big as life and twice as fattening.
She considered her options:
(1) Thank the giver kindly, explain that she is trying to lose weight, and ask if it would be ok if she gave the candy to others in the office. This was the best solution, but she couldn’t do it. She knew that it would hurt the poor lady’s feelings.
(2) Eat it all? Ummm…..no.
(3) Make a big deal about how cute the basket is, take a picture of it so the person will feel special. Then keep the bunny in her office, as well as a small sampling of the goodies, and take the basket and most of the goodies home. Pretend that she’s eating all the candy throughout the next month or so, at home, making a casual comment about how yummy it is here and there, but in reality, take the candy and the basket to the family’s Easter brunch as a hostess gift, and make it THEIR problem.
That’s what she did. So far, it’s working.
So she had a little more candy than she wanted to, but she did minimize the damage.
And her thoughtful employee is happy.
And Bunny’s still working on the Walk-!t Challenge (exclamation point).
April 12, 2011
Let’s face it. Bunny’s having trouble losing weight. The things that used to work, don’t work so well anymore. Getting old sucks.
She’s discouraged, but she’s not giving up.
She has had a monthly pass to Weight Watchers for over a year. She’s been paying $35 a month to NOT attend meetings and pretty much NOT follow the program. The stupidity of this was not lost on her, but she was kind of ignoring it, until Buff (who is very smart and kind of cheap) pointed it out. She knew she should either (a) start going to meetings, or (b) cancel the monthly pass and just kept her access to the Weight Watchers website.
Bunny knows that her job makes it very difficult for to get to meetings. Weight Watchers is cutting the number of meetings, and with the choices becoming more and more limited, it’s less and less likely that she will be able to attend. So she went with choice (b), eTools, access to the website. Half the price of the other option.
So there she was on WeightWatchers.com, and there was a big announcement about The Walk-!t Challenge. (The “I” in Walk-It is an exclamation point. How cute is that?)
Join thousands of others to walk (or run) a 5K…
oh no. A 5K? No way. I think I’ll check my Twitter.
…and support The Alliance for a Healthier Generation. We’ll hel pyou train for a 5K, find an event near you or map your own walk.
Make no mistake, Bunny has no intention of walking a 5K. Isn’t that that thing where you run 42 miles, then ride a bike to Colorado, then swim shark-infested waters all the way to Hawaii?
She kept reading, curious at how Weight Watchers was going to claim that their clientele could do such a thing.
She looked at the training guide: a 6-week plan, setting forth a daily schedule for how long you should walk. It never went over an hour, and there were lots of days off.
This will help me swim with the sharks?
google google google
5k = 5 kilometers, which is approximately 3.1 miles.
Is that all?
I can do that. I used to do that at the gym, on a good day. What’s the big deal?
Well, the first part is “used to.” Bunny used to walk three miles at the gym. Not lately.
Another problem Bunny has is stamina. Not regular workday stamina, she can get through the day fine, but walking stamina. She has noticed that she gets a little winded after a short walk. This makes her feel old and fat.
Another one of Bunny’s problems lately is achy muscles. And she’s kind of creaky. She doesn’t move as well as she used to.
And lunch. She’s spending too much money on lunch at work. She and two other ladies go out for lunch almost every day. They take turns, and yesterday it cost her $65. For a turkey sandwich? $20 a day for lunch is $100 a week. Too much. Too much.
And then there was this article on Yahoo! (oooo another exclamation point!) yesterday that offered the charming statistic that people who sit most of the day are 54% more likely to die of a heart attack. Desk jockeys, get up and walk!
If Bunny did the Walk-!t Challenge at lunchtime, instead of sitting in a restaurant spending money, it might give her some help in ALL those areas!
Not to mention help her lose weight!
And feel better about her old, fat self!