You Haven’t Been to the Gym in a While, Have You?

March 6, 2010

Well, she did it. She went back to The Damned Gym.

Since it had been a while, it took some planning.

First, where’s the gym bag?

Found it! So much for that excuse. Great! OK, let’s see what’s inside. Two pair of stretchy pants and a T-shirt. Not sure how long they’ve been rolled up in there, and not wanting to show up at the gym in wrinkly pants that are too small, Bunny tossed them in the laundry and threw in a fresh T-shirt and a pair of nice, friendly, loose black pants she knew would work. Bunny is too big and way too old for those cute little stretchy haltery toppy things.

Shoes? Check.

Socks? There’s one. hmmm…where did she put the little white socks? hmmm…. oh, there’s one. OK, unfortunately we have everything we need.

Gym bag and workout routine safely in the car, off she went to work. It was a pretty difficult day, and Bunny toyed with the possibility of skipping the workout. Maybe she could do it tomorrow instead? To keep to the every-other-day schedule her physical therapist had threatened her with strongly recommended, she would have to do it again on Saturday. No, she knew she would kick herself if she had to go to the gym after work Friday night. Friday night is for going out to dinner, not exercising. It was bad enough she had to ruin her blessed Saturday.

So, headache and all, after work, Bunny headed for the gym. After some discussion at the front desk about her membership, what an old keycard she had, and wow, she must not have been here in a while, Bunny headed off to the locker room.

Bunny is just not comfortable at the gym. We know that if she would just get into a routine, she would be, but the fact is that she is not. She’s intimidated. Everyone is thinner and fitter than her. It’s a fact that every single person in there goes to the gym every single day. They’re all looking at her wondering what she’s doing here, how she got in that condition, and why she’s even bothering. She’s sure of it.

So, she meekly puts on her workout clothes. Pulling the T-shirt out of her bag, she discovers that her nice, sedate, don’t-look-at-me black Virgin Islands T-shirt has a huge orange fish on the back.

How embarrassing.

Something else for people to mock her about.

Maybe she should just go home?

No, she would have to hide it as best she could. She grabbed a towel and tossed it not so casually over her shoulder, making every attempt to hold the towel in a way that covered the monstrous orange fish.

Bunny went to the room where she knew the treadmills were. There they were. OK, the recumbent bikes must be here too. hmmm… ellipticals. Those Stair-Stepper things. No bikes? What the heck?

Maybe she should just go home?

She went to the front desk. Feeling like an idiot, she asked the 20-year-old size-zero blonde where she could find the recumbent bikes.

Oh, you haven’t been here in a while, have you?  The bikes are in the next building, just outside the spin room.

Bunny’s gym is in an office complex that has three buildings. It wasn’t designed to be a gym, and as they have expanded, they have opened rooms in other buildings. You have to go outside. So, she did. She found the next building. She tried to open the door. Locked. She walked around the building. No entry. No lights on.

Is this a trick?

Maybe she should just go home?

Feeling like even more of an idiot, she walked back to the front desk and asked Ms. Size Zero what she was missing.

Oh, we’re so sorry! It’s up one level. Just go outside and up the stairs, then turn left and there you are.  You haven’t been here in a while, have you?

So, Bunny finally found the recumbent bikes. There were eight of them. She chose one far away from two women who were chatting on neighboring bikes, but not so far away that it was obvious she was trying to stay away from them. She didn’t want any trouble.

She hopped on, adjusted the seat, put her feet under the straps on the pedals, started to pedal, decided that she wasn’t comfortable with the position her feet were in, put her feet on top of the straps instead, and pushed the button.

It asked her how long she wanted to ride.

10 minutes, thank you.

What level?

One. Definitely one.

Then it asked her how much she weighs.

EXCUSE ME?????

This is a warm-up! She’s supposed to pedal slowly so as not to hurt her not-quite-recovered knee, for 10 minutes, and not worry about how fast she goes. She wasn’t about to type in her weight. The guy on the Stair-Steppy thing in the row behind her is watching every move the fat old lady with the big orange fish on her back is making, and she’s not going to tell him her weight. No way!

Maybe she should just go home?

She managed to cancel the request, and the nosy bike allowed her to proceed with her warm-up.

She pedaled for ten minutes. She looked around to see who was watching her. They were being sneaky about it. The two women were still chatting, and a guy a few machines away kept sayingSHHHH!” They kept chatting. She hoped there wasn’t a rumble.

Pedaling reasonably happily, Bunny flipped through the channels on the TV mounted atop her bike (nice!), making a mental note to bring earphones next time.

She kept adjusting her towel to make sure it was covering the stupid fish.

As she progressed toward the end of her 10-minute warm-up, she looked around to see where she could go to find a mat for the next part of her routine. She saw three mats. All were in use.

Maybe she should just go home?

She stepped off the bike and walked outside and back to the front desk in building one. Giving up on feeling idiotic, now she was just annoyed. She asked the skinny bitch her helpful new friend where she could find a mat on which to do her floor exercises.

Oh, sure! There are mats in the room with the bikes, outside the spinning room, some more in the room upstairs in this building, just go up the stairs, turn left and kind of look to the right, or there are more in the room downstairs in the basement, but it’s the second room on the right, not the third room on the left, which does have mats, but there’s going to be a yoga class in there soon, so don’t go in there.

You haven’t been here in a while, have you?

Maybe she should just go home.


3 Responses to “You Haven’t Been to the Gym in a While, Have You?”


  1. […] 9, 2010 When we last saw Bunny, she was at the gym for the first time in some time, and she was feeling uncomfortable, out of […]

  2. PiterJankovich Says:

    My name is Piter Jankovich. oOnly want to tell, that your blog is really cool
    And want to ask you: is this blog your hobby?
    P.S. Sorry for my bad english

    • bmarisol Says:

      Thank you! Yes, I guess this blog is becoming our hobby. We’re trying to help our friend lose weight. It’s not easy. Thanks for reading!


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