What Bunny Has Learned at the Gym

March 13, 2010

Bunny has been dutifully reporting to the gym every other day to do the routine prescribed by her physical therapist. Much has been revealed to her in these visits.

Speaking of things being revealed, let’s start in the locker room:

Locker Room Etiquette

Some people are more comfortable than others being naked in public.

Example: When Bunny walked into the locker room one day, she passed a naked lady blow-drying her hair. When Bunny returned to the locker room after her warm-up, the unclad blow-dryer was still at it. Half an hour of naked blow-drying? Half an hour?? What is she, Rapunzel? No, this was a regular woman with regular hair. Seriously, not to be judgmental, but what’s the goal here–blowing, or showing?

Casual conversation is harder when one person is naked.

Don’t forget what locker your stuff is in. Or the combination.

Personal Space

People don’t care what you’re doing. They’re busy worrying about what they’re doing. This is true as long as you don’t invade their personal space. On the other hand, don’t be surprised if they invade yours.

Example 1:  A man stepped over Bunny as she lay on her mat face-down, to fetch a mat of his own. (Didn’t realize stepping over people was OK, but live and learn. HEY! WATCH THE HAND!)

Example 2: A mom and dad brought their toddler to the gym, and before taking him to the day care center, they sat him on a mat and cooed while he played with an exercise ball. Bunny thought that was kind of cute (if a tad noisy)…until the little darling pushed the ball into her face. OW!

Example 3: When Bunny was doing her mat exercises, laying on her side, she heard someone pick up an exercise ball behind her and start to use it. When she turned around, she was somewhat alarmed to discover that the ball was uncomfortably close to her mat. A man in walking shorts, a belt, a polo and walking shoes (read: not a regular gym-goer) was rolling around on the ball like a cat in heat.

As he barely saved himself from falling for the third time, Bunny wondered what would happen if he rolled off that ball on top of Bunny. It seemed like a real possibility. She considered moving, but there were no free mats. Continuing her exercises and hoping for the best, Bunny wondered what would happen if he kicked her and knocked her unconscious.

Bunny is a worrier. She thinks about these things.

Would the health club personnel even know who the unconscious lady bleeding on the mat was? How? No one knows her, her membership card is in her locker, and they have no way to track what locker she’s in.

Would they call Buff? How? If they don’t know who she is, they sure don’t know who he is. Would Buff come looking for her? Sure, eventually, but Buff doesn’t even know she’s here. What would happen then?

You don’t hear about the dangers that lurk at the gym. Clearly, this is a risky place to be. Maybe she should never go to the gym again?

Or maybe she should have a T-shirt made with her name, locker number and emergency contact information clearly displayed on her chest, just in case she loses consciousness due to an injury inflicted by a clueless fellow exerciser?

No, other people don’t do that…that would be weird. What to do? hmmmmm.

What rep am I on?

You Can Do It!

Every workout is different, even if you’re doing the same routine.

Keep breathing. For some reason, Bunny catches herself holding her breath while doing mat exercises. Breathing is a good idea.

Put a towel over the mat. Lord knows how many sweaty people have been there before you, and they probably don’t clean those things very often. And what about the floor? How often do they shampoo the carpet? This is actually pretty unsanitary. Ewww…. What rep am I on?

It’s easier than you’d think to fall off a treadmill. ‘Nuf said.

Did we mention hydrating?

Tucking an iPhone into the water bottle holder on a bike can wreak (reek? wreek?) havoc with the heart monitor on the machine, potentially sending someone of the worrywort (worrywart?) persuasion into a fit of hypochondria. Leave the phone in the car.

Spin classes are noisy and distracting.

It’s better to go than to not go.

Even if you want to slash your wrists in mid-workout, you’ll feel good about going once you get out of there.

If Bunny can do it, so can you!

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