What’s Up, Doc?

May 13, 2010

Bunny is in doctor mode. It’s just that time of year.

As you know, she’s been seeing her orthopedist recently. The issues with her knee are improving. She and Mollie are doing the exercises given to her by  her physical therapist. They’re hard, at least for Bunny, but she’s chipping away at it.

It’s eye doctor time, too. This is problematic, only because of the recent and tragic passing of Bunny’s eye doctor. Very, very sad. So, she’s working on obtaining a new opthal-opto-whatsis.

This week, she went to the Ugh doctor. You know the one. The one who does that examination. You know the one.

Well, that examination came out “perfect” (Thank God!), and so did the one to identify problems in the little-pink-ribbon area. Now all she has to do is have the related annual X-ray. Another glorious procedure. What a joy to stand naked while a small woman pulls your personal body parts and shoves them into a machine in a decidedly uncomfortable and awkward position, smashes them between two metal plates (OW!) while you’re standing on your head, then yells “DON’T MOVE! DON’T BREATHE!” while she runs into her little cubby hole and snaps a photo, then comes back to inflict a new and different torturous position.

That’s next week.

Bunny has also scheduled an appointment with her REAL doctor. The one who hates carbs. The one who is going to yell at her about her weight. She tried to avoid it as long as she could, but it’s time. She has an issue to discuss that came up at the Ugh doctor.

Bunny is a quart low on Estrogen.

Yes, Bunny is officially in…

cue the music…

BunnyPause.

She knew it was coming. She has been in pre-Pause for a while, and she hasn’t had to buy any of those products lately. (You know the ones. The ones where if you use the right brand you can do gymnastics any day of the month. Yeah, those.)

But she was expecting hot flashes galore. Big, drippy, sheet-soaking, sweaty flashes. But she hasn’t flashed. She does get a little perspiry now and then, but what do you expect, it’s a little hot in here, isn’t it? YES IT IS, DAMMIT!

Bunny wants you to know she does NOT look like this.

Well, guess what?

The Ugh doctor explained that the reason Bunny isn’t a faucet is because extra Estrogen is being produced not by her regular Estrogen-producing parts, but by her fat cells. Something to do with the adrenal glands popping hormones into fat cells. The more fat cells, the more Estrogen. This, he went on to explain, is why some men have “man boobs.”

You’re making that up, aren’t you doc? Seriously?

So Bunny is not hot-flashing because she’s fat?

Who knew?

Anyway, after chatting with her REAL doctor (if she survives the yelling), Bunny will likely be taking hormones. The Ugh doctor explained that this will help with any flashing, will help her sleep better, and will make her joints less achy.

Oooooooooo…! That’s a big selling point for Bunny. She’s one big ache. That TV commercial has Bunny seriously wondering if she has fibromyalgia.

Of course, Bunny is easily swayed by this type of thing. The Regenix ad on the radio has her convinced her hair is falling out too fast. Not long ago, Sally Field had her convinced she had osteoporosis, but she doesn’t. Take that, Sally!

More later. Time for lunch. A cobb salad with a side of Estrogen, please!

  


2 Responses to “What’s Up, Doc?”

  1. bmarisol Says:

    It’s me, Bunny. What’s up with that picture! Can’t you find one that doesn’t make me look 4,000 years old? And a little less pathetic would be good. Also skinnier would be nice. Come on!!

  2. bmarisol Says:

    OK, that’s a little better.


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