At her Week 1 Weight Watchers weigh-in, Bunny lost 7 lbs!

At her Week 2 weigh-in, she lost 0.4. 4/10. Four-tenths of one pound. She’s entirely underwhelmed by this. And now she’s worried. Here’s a sneak peak at what’s going on in Bunny’s head:

What if I’m too old to lose weight?? No, that can’t be. But 4/10 of a pound? At that rate it’ll take me 400 years to lose all this weight! I lost a lot the first week, but everybody knows that’s just water. What if…….????

With that state of mind in place, she attended the pre-Thanksgiving Weight Watchers meeting where they reviewed all the traditional holiday goodies and focused the members on how much of this and that equals how many SmartPoints. Armed with this knowledge, Bunny resolved to stay on the straight and narrow the week prior to Turkey Day, to minimize the net damage.

Then disaster struck. Two days after the meeting, Bunny went to a football party at Buffalo Wild Wings. She tried hard to choose something from the menu that sounded relatively safe. She went with something called Buffalitos — basically soft tacos. A lot of lettuce, a teensy amount of chicken, some hot sauce, and the tortilla, times two. Not too bad, right?

taco

Sneaky little innocent-looking point-filled taco

When she got home, she discovered that this friendly looking meal cost her a cool 29 Smart Points. (What the heck do you put in your Buffalitos, Buffalo Wild Wings???)

Even worse, while waiting for the Buffalitos, she noshed on two of Buff’s mozzarella sticks. Just cheese, right? Nope. 10 Smart Points!

And that didn’t count that nice glass of wine (5 Smart Points).

So now she’s wondering about her ability to lose weight at more than 0.10039430423343 lb. per week, AND she feels as though her Thanksgiving week point-counting has been severely compromised.  Bunny is a hot mess.

But she has not entirely lost hope. We suggested that she skip this week’s weigh-in (it’s just better that she not know what she weighs the day after Thanksgiving). She will hop back on the program in earnest and have six days to (please God) lose something…anything!

Bunny needs some encouragement.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

As Bunny was munching her kale chips

which, by the way, she has had only twice, because it turns out that it’s nearly impossible to find kale in the market, let alone kale that isn’t 90% stalk (stalks, you should know, are utterly useless for kale-chipping purposes)–but we digress…

CookieAs Bunny was munching her kale chips, a news story caught her eye.

The Girl Scouts have introduced a new cookie! Just in time for Bunny’s low-carb diet!

Savannah Smiles! 

How cute is that?

Maybe, she thought, they’re some awful flavor, like liver or castor oil or grapefruit or cat food, and not tempting at all. That’d be great!

No such luck. The article revealed that they’re little wedges, filled with a blast of lemony goodness.

Oh no…………….

Bunny loves lemon.

Bunny loves Girl Scout Cookies. Bunny wants Savannah Smiles. And now that the subject has come up, she is thinking about her lifelong friend Thin Mints. Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh….

This, of course, is a classic example of the power of suggestion. Bunny hasn’t thought about Girl Scout cookies in six months, but now, they’re number two with a bullet on her list of banned but intensely desired munchies.

As you might expect, the mean Carb-Hating Doctor’s hideously boring highly restrictive diet strictly forbids lemon, sugar, cookies and all things even remotely yummy.

What the heck, let’s look at the label, just for kicks:

There are 140 calories and 23 carbs in 5 cookies. That’s about 4 carbs per cookie.

Gosh. That’s worth thinking about.

Let’s see. Bunny gets 25 carbs every day. If she ate 5 cookies and nothing else for the rest of the day, she’d be good.

Right?

Oh, okay, we know, that’s cheating. But it’s fun to think about.

Sorry, Savannah Smiles. Not this year. You either, Thin Mints.

Bunny loves you, though.

Oh, no. A Bunny Basket.

April 26, 2011

Easter candyIt’s Easter!

You know what that means, right?

A festival of sugar and candy, right up there with Halloween and Christmas.

How is a person supposed to lose weight when surrounded by Peeps and M&Ms and Cadbury eggs?

We learned in last year’s Easter post just how damaging those innocent-looking marshmallowy chocolatey things can be.

So there’s Bunny at work, minding her own business, and a kind and well-meaning employee proudly presents her with a beautiful Easter basket.

Oh, crap. How kind.

She had made it herself, and had clearly put a lot of effort into it. There was a stuffed bunny, a game of Carrot Baseball (ooo, fun–hit the ball with a plastic bat that looks like a carrot, lots of fun and $1 at Aahs!, thank you very much), and lots and lots of you-know-what.

Candy.

Really? Candy? Bunny doesn’t even really like candy. Well, she likes it, but she can go a long time without having any candy, and it doesn’t bother her.

But there it was. Big as life and twice as fattening.

She considered her options:

(1) Thank the giver kindly, explain that she is trying to lose weight, and ask if it would be ok if she gave the candy to others in the office. This was the best solution, but she couldn’t do it. She knew that it would hurt the poor lady’s feelings.

(2) Eat it all? Ummm…..no.

(3) Make a big deal about how cute the basket is, take a picture of it so the person will feel special. Then keep the bunny in her office, as well as a small sampling of the goodies, and take the basket and most of the goodies home. Pretend that she’s eating all the candy throughout the next month or so, at home, making a casual comment about how yummy it is here and there, but in reality, take the candy and the basket to the family’s Easter brunch as a hostess gift, and make it THEIR problem.

That’s what she did. So far, it’s working.

So she had a little more candy than she wanted to, but she did minimize the damage.

And her thoughtful employee is happy.

And Bunny’s still working on the Walk-!t Challenge (exclamation point).

Happy Easter!

Let’s face it. Bunny’s having trouble losing weight. The things that used to work, don’t work so well anymore. Getting old sucks.

She’s discouraged, but she’s not giving up.

She has had a monthly pass to Weight Watchers for over a year. She’s been paying $35 a month to NOT attend meetings and pretty much NOT follow the program. The stupidity of this was not lost on her, but she was kind of ignoring it, until Buff (who is very smart and kind of cheap) pointed it out. She knew she should either (a) start going to meetings, or (b) cancel the monthly pass and just kept her access to the Weight Watchers website.

Bunny knows that her job makes it very difficult for to get to meetings. Weight Watchers is cutting the number of meetings, and with the choices becoming more and more limited, it’s less and less likely that she will be able to attend. So she went with choice (b), eTools, access to the website. Half the price of the other option.

So there she was on WeightWatchers.com, and there was a big announcement about The Walk-!t Challenge. (The “I” in Walk-It is an exclamation point. How cute is that?)

It said:

Walkers

 

Join thousands of others to walk (or run) a 5K…

oh no. A 5K? No way. I think I’ll check my Twitter.

…and support The Alliance for a Healthier Generation. We’ll hel pyou train for a 5K, find an event near you or map your own walk.

Make no mistake, Bunny has no intention of walking a 5K. Isn’t that that thing where you run 42 miles, then ride a bike to Colorado, then swim shark-infested waters all the way to Hawaii?

She kept reading, curious at how Weight Watchers was going to claim that their clientele could do such a thing.

She looked at the training guide: a 6-week plan, setting forth a daily schedule for how long you should walk. It never went over an hour, and there were lots of days off.

This will help me swim with the sharks?

google google google

5k = 5 kilometers, which is approximately 3.1 miles.

oh.

Is that all?

I can do that. I used to do that at the gym, on a good day. What’s the big deal?

Well, the first part is “used to.” Bunny used to walk three miles at the gym. Not lately.

Another problem Bunny has is stamina. Not regular workday stamina, she can get through the day fine, but walking stamina. She has noticed that she gets a little winded after a short walk. This makes her feel old and fat.

Another one of Bunny’s problems lately is achy muscles. And she’s kind of creaky. She doesn’t move as well as she used to.

And lunch. She’s spending too much money on lunch at work. She and two other ladies go out for lunch almost every day. They take turns, and yesterday it cost her $65. For a turkey sandwich? $20 a day for lunch is $100 a week. Too much. Too much.

And then there was this article on Yahoo! (oooo another exclamation point!) yesterday that offered the charming statistic that people who sit most of the day are 54% more likely to die of a heart attack. Desk jockeys, get up and walk!

If Bunny did the Walk-!t Challenge at lunchtime, instead of sitting in a restaurant spending money, it might give her some help in ALL those areas!

Not to mention help her lose weight!

And feel better about her old, fat self!

She’s going to do it, exclamation point

Still Ducking the Fudge

December 21, 2010

Gift BasketAs we approach the Christmas holiday, we thought we would repost last year’s offering on what to do about all those fattening gifts that are tossed at you each December by well-meaning co-workers, friends, neighbors, and family (who should know better).

Read about Bunny’s annual struggle to  Duck the Fudge.

This year, it’s gift baskets.

She has five of them.

If you have any holiday survival tips that work for you, please share.

And do have a happy holiday!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

November 24, 2010

Bunny’s back from vacation, and cooking up a storm.

Well, not a storm. More like an April shower.

Usually, she cooks up a storm for 20-something family members. Last year’s post Gobble! Gobble! Gobble! gives you a good idea of what she goes through in a normal year.

This year, it’s only 13 people.

Usually, Bunny is a mess by now. Cooking this and washing that, setting up this and looking for that, and emotionally eating this and obsessively worrying about that.

What if the oven stops working?

What if the turkey isn’t done when the people arrive?

What if I don’t have enough gravy?

What if the sun explodes?

This year, things are much simpler.

Fewer people, more store-bought foods, less stress.

Pilgrim BunnyWe’ll see how that goes.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

Weakend Bunny

October 19, 2010

Yes, we can spell. Our point is that Bunny is weaker on the weekend than she is on weekdays.

Bunny followed her script–sorry, the play we called in the last post–to the T (whatever that means).

No diverting, no whining. She ate what we told her to eat, and not one bit more. She walked at lunch, she drank tons of water–she was a good, obedient little Bunny.

Then came the weekend.

WeekendWe won’t go into the details, but there was at least one piece of pizza, a small (but not small enough) amount of ice cream, wine, and a potato chip or five.

She wasn’t horrible, but she did lose her focus here and there. Now and then.

Then Monday came back. This is a good thing, believe it or not. It’s easier for Bunny to say on the straight and narrow when she’s at work–partly because she’s too busy to think about eating, and partly because her best friend is there to (quite literally) slap any unauthorized morsels out of her hand.

We changed up the dietary plan a little this week, but kept it along the same lines as last week’s meals.

She’s doing fine, although today it was raining, so she didn’t have her lunchtime constitutional. And she was very busy at work, so she didn’t get enough water. She can make it up tonight, but no good can come from drinking eight glasses of water two hours before beddy-bye.

She’s paying the piper on Thursday, when she visits the Carb-Hating Doctor once again for another delightful visit to the scale.

Bunny is seriously considering buying some diuretic tea tomorrow, and not eating after noon until her appointment, the next day at 4:00.

We’re discouraging this. It would be irrational.

Besides, if she followed that plan, the NEXT time she had to go weigh in, she’d have to cut off her arm or something to ensure that she lost some weight. Strangely tempting, but supremely irrational.

The only reasonable solution? Lose weight.

It always comes down to that same old song, doesn’t it?

Damn!