Gym–or House of Horrors?

September 30, 2009

Bunny seems to be on the mend from her latest attempt to avoid going to the gym bout with the flu.  Clearly we’re going to have to extend our get-to-the-gym-or-else deadline.

Bunny’s husband, Buff, goes to the gym when he has the flu. He swears it makes him feel better. Buff doesn’t miss the gym for anything. There’s a certain level of addiction there.

These people have issues.

Let’s face it–who doesn’t?

So let’s spend a minute considering why Bunny hates going to the gym.

It requires organization, especially if you have a job. If you go on the way to or from work, you have to figure out what to do with your clothes. If you’re a girl, you have to take makeup and goop with which to make your hair all nice and fluffy (or straight or spiked, or whatever you do with it). You must remember your gym card, your bag, your water, your iPod and your headphones. You must figure out how and when to squeeze the visit in to your day, especially if you’re attending a class. You may have to plan to get up early, in which case, how does breakfast fit in? And coffee? So many considerations. Clearly, going to the gym is an organizational nightmare.

You have to wear gym clothes in front of people. That’s great if you’re a size 6. Not the case here. Oh, and shower in front of perky young women who go to the gym every day? With this body? I don’t THINK so. (It’s a fact, you know, that everyone else in the gym with you comes every single day. You’re the only slacker.)They're laughing at Bunny!!!

And what about those other people? What does that ridiculously buff chick on the next treadmill who’s running 400 mph at maximum elevation think about your 2.8 mph at elevation 1? She’s burning 94,000 calories a second while it takes you 20 minutes to burn 100.  Is she mocking you? Is she wondering why you’re bothering? Does she think you’re going to fall off the treadmill? These possibilities are quite stressful.

What to do when you get there? A class is not a great choice because it’s hard to stop in the middle. Machines are good because you can completely control your activity level, and whenever you want you can pretend that you’ve completed an exhaustive workout. But make sure to watch the people who were there when you sat down. You can always pretend that your 10 minutes on the treadmill were just the warm-up for your “real” exercise program. Just say something to yourself (but loud enough to be heard) along the lines of, “Ah, that’s a great start. On to the elliptical!” Then walk in the general direction of the ellipticals. If you’re afraid they’re still watching, mumble something about going to the restroom, walk that way, then run toward the exit. They’ll never be the wiser!

And the worst is Buff’s friends. He’s there every morning. He teaches classes there. He practically owns the place! They’re there every morning. They all know Bunny, and they’re all very nice people. But if she’s in the gym, it’s a major event. “Hey, look, Bunny’s in the gym! It must be a blue moon! Buff’s tubby wife actually got her butt to the gym! Wow!” It’s a bigger deal than when Britney shows up. Last time she was there in the morning, about 5 of them commented that she looked like she was treadmilling in her sleep.

Great way to fade into the wordwork.Embarassed

OK, so we’ve confirmed that Bunny has issues. She’s disorganized, embarrassed and intimidated. Maybe a bit lazy. And possibly paranoid, but we’re not mental health professionals.

How do we fight all that?

The funny thing is, she knows very well that when she does go, she feels great about it. It helps with her diet, because she doesn’t want to blow the effort on unnecessary calories. She feels productive. She feels healthier. She feels, yes, good about herself!

So why does she fight it like a mama bear defending her cub from a  mountain lion?

We have no idea.

Do you?


September 2, 2009

Buff is Bunny’s hubby of 20 years. Buff has also fought the weight battle his entire life. After years of being obese and diabetic, Buff turned his mind in another direction one day several years ago, and committed himself to the Adkins diet and the gym. He is now an aerobics instructor, rides a racing bike, spends 2-4 hours in the gym every day, and burns God knows how many calories in spin classes. He still eats huge portions, but he burns it.

That just makes Bunny tired. He gets up when it’s still dark to hit the gym. She’s not a morning person. She’s too sleepy and creaky to work out in the morning, and she’s too tired to do it after work.

Commitment, did you say? She needs commitment?

We’re working on it.