The Damned Gym. Again.

March 3, 2010

Bunny has been having some problems with her knee. About a week ago, it decided to start generating fluid.

Swollen knees and ankles is not a feeling Bunny enjoys. And, since she couldn’t connect it to any specific event, her hypochondria kicked in. As more and more hideous maladies hopped in and out of her fertile imagination, she decided to pay a visit to her friendly neighborhood orthopedist.

She thought about going to her regular doctor, but decided on the orthopedist based on very logical and scientific reasoning. Her orthopedist wouldn’t weigh her.

Bunny’s diagnosis was a garden-variety inflammation, caused by any combination of new shoes, a lot of walking on her vacation, her weight (doctors always have to bring it back to that!), weak knees, an unidentified injury, Obama’s health care plan, the California budgetary crisis, and the coming of the vernal equinox.

At the orthopedist’s behest, she went to physical therapy, where the nice man advised her that she has insufficient strength in her knees (and pretty much everywhere else). She was not surprised.

He prescribed a course of exercises.

Guess where she has to do them?

Yep, you guessed it.

Bunny’s going back to her favorite place.

The Damned Gym.

Bunny does not like going to the gym. Her favorite exercise is Gym Avoidance.

We’ve been through this before. Last time it was the other knee. As a lazy woman of a certain age who is overweight and uses her gym membership approximately once per millenium, of COURSE she has some issues with her knees. They’re working really hard. Who can blame them for complaining once in a while?

Bunny is scheduled to report back to therapy in two weeks. In the interim, her assignment is to hit the gym and do a very specific course of exercises. She is to try very hard to do this seven times.

That’s every other day. Ugh.

The routine starts with ten minutes on the recumbent bike, followed by one set of six exercises (15 reps each) designed to strengthen the areas that directly affect her injured knee. Then ten more minutes on the bike. After two sessions, she is to up it to two sets. After two more sessions, it goes to three sets.

An injured knee. Ice, she thought. Advil. Rest. Perhaps elevation. Maybe a nice massage?

What did she get?

The gym. Ugh.

OK, let’s see how this goes.

Saving Bunny’s Knees

October 7, 2009

Um…guys?

Hey, Bunny! What’s up?

Well, you know, today’s the day I’m supposed to go to the gym.

Yep, it’s today. When are you going? Before or after work?

Well…

WELL???Worried

Well, I’m just a little concerned. My knee kind of hurts.

Please don’t tell us you’re going to give us another excuse for not going to the gym.

Oh, I’m not trying to get out of it, I just don’t want to aggravate my knee injury. I usually do the stationary bike, since you know the orthopedist told me not to use the treadmill, but the bike could still…

Bunny, your injury was two years ago, and it wasn’t even that bad. We’re sure the doctor didn’t mean you couldn’t use the treadmill for the rest of your life.

Well, I’m just not sure…

OK, hold it right there, Miss Medial Meniscus. Be right back.Googling

  <google google google google google>

OK, Bunny, you’re correct, the bike and the treadmill can be hard on your knee, and we know you did have a legitimate injury (2 years ago, you big baby!), but the elliptical puts far less pressure on it. Just hop on that elliptical, burn 100 calories, weigh yourself, and you’re done. Easy peasy.

Oh, no. I tried the elliptical once, and it was so hard on my legs, I couldn’t do it. I need to build up strength in my legs before I can do that.

OK, let’s work on that. <google google google> Exercises to strengthen your legs, right here. What else?

Well, but I’d have to…I can’t just hop on and…

Bunny. Dear Bunny. You’re a hot mess, you know that? We’ll start slow. This is a process, but we need to get the ball rolling. The longest journey begins with a single step, right? Do you need more cliches, or is that enough?

I just…

OK, look. You’ll go to the gym. We’ll go with you. We’ll figure it out. We’ll ask for help, and we’ll find exercises that you can do that won’t hurt your knee or back or anything. We’ll…

A trainer? I’m not ready for a trainer, I just need to get in and get started on my own. You don’t have to go with me.

Bunny, you’re a lovely person. You’re honest, trustworthy, true-blue, loyal, patriotic, all that good stuff. We’d trust you with our lives. However, when it comes to losing weight and going to the gym, you start dancing like a finalist on So You Think You Can Dance? You spin, you bob, you weave, you dodge, you expend enough energy to light Paris for a week in a mind-boggling effort to avoid going to the gym.

You have an addictive personality. That monster of yours takes over your self-control, you start acting like a completely different person, and we’ve learned that we can’t trust you as far as we can throw you. 

Well, I don’t know if I’d say that…

So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to take your little worrywort, hypochondriacal self, meniscus and all, to that gym after work today. You’re going to put on your tennis shoes and your stretchy pants and your big T-shirt, grab your water bottle, hop on that elliptical, and do what you can do. We don’t care if you go half a mile an hour. You just need to get in there and get started.  Next time, you’ll be able to do a little more, and the time after that a little more. We’ll keep track of it, and you’ll see that if you just get into a habit of going to the gym regularly, even three times a week, you’ll see how quickly you’ll be able to do more and more. And then you know what will happen, right? You’ll start Shrinking Bunny’s Buns!

But I just don’t know how to…

We know this is hard, but you can do it. We’ll  help you.

Maybe we can wait until my knee…

Tonight. After work. Be there.

TWO HOURS LATER

uh-oh, guys? I just got to work, and realized I walked out of the house without my gym bag.grrrrrrrOh, my God, this woman is going to be the death of me! Is she kidding??? How many flipping excuses can she come up with? I’m gonna throw her freaking gym bag at her if she tries one more… *HEAVY SIGH*

That’s OK, Bunny, we’ll go pick it up for you, and we’ll give it to you when we meet you at the gym.

Oh, that’s a lot of bother. Maybe we should go tomorrow or…

No trouble at all, Bunny. Happy to do it. See you at 5:30.

oh…ok. Thanks.