The Damned Gym

September 25, 2009

Bunny, we need your full and complete attention.

You need to get to The Damned Gym. You’re making good food choices and healthy decisions and all that crap those good things, but frankly, the cold hard fact is that we don’t see any visual evidence that your numbers are falling.

You need to exercise. Burn more than you consume. Remember, you agreed that 30 minutes three times a week was entirely doable. And yet, you’re still hanging on for dear life to every freaking conceivable excuse known to man or woman to stay away from The Damned Gym.

Stop fighting it!

It’s a GOOD thing!

You actually feel BETTER about yourself when you go!Working Out

It’s a nice place. 

They have electricity and running water now.

They changed the carpeting.

They’ve updated the lockers.

Hell, they put TVs on the treadmills and bikes, and you can control the channel!

There’s a view of the flipping ocean!

What the hell else do you want???

Do you know that if you divide your membership fee by the number of visits, each trip to The Damned Gym costs you $84???

So let’s lower the bar. One trip per week. 30 minutes. In The Damned Gym. Every week. Once. 30 minutes. A tiny little half hour. 6 consecutive groups of 5 minutes. 6 songs on your iPod. Then you can run for the hills for 6 whole days.

Do we need to rehash the obvious? Again? Really? Fine.  Among about 4,678 other things, it will:

  • make you healthier
  • increase your stamina (which by the way is kind of pathetic, from what we’ve observed)
  • help you fit into those clothes you want to wear
  • MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!

How about this one:  The nice people who are reading this blog deserve to see results!!!

We’re done pussy-footing around, Missy. You have until next Wednesday to get your butt into The Damned Gym. That’s almost a whole week. Figure it out!

AND DON’T FORGET TO WEIGH YOURSELF!!!

Sheesh.