The Monster Awakes

September 14, 2009

We haven’t bothered Bunny much in the past few days. She’s doing well, making good choices, and so we thought we’d give her a break.Food Monster

Big mistake.

She’s having a shake every morning, despite her decision to mix it up with cereal and blueberries.  The day she had the cereal she had noticeable shrinkage in her midsection.

Last night, Bunny had her hand in her husband’s raspberry-covered yogurt pretzels from Henry’s market.  A few yogurt pretzels aren’t going to hurt her, but she took two, then went back later for 2 more, then again, then…


Next problem:  Bunny’s husband Buff kindly went to Costco and bought her some popcorn. She has been buying the microwave bag that’s 96% fat free–the one Weight Watchers recommends (what a great excuse to eat something!)  Buff, however, picked up Orville Reddenbacher Movie Theater Butter popcorn instead. What to do?

  1. Thank Buff for getting the popcorn, but explain that it was the wrong kind, and she didn’t want to eat it because it was a lot more fattening. He would have understood that. He struggles with weight, too. That’s the correct answer.
  2. Open the box and start on the first of the 32 bags, look past the fact that the bags are actually greasy because the butter  has soaked through the paper, ignore your rational instinct to check the calories and fat content, and remember to remind Buff to get the other kind next time.

#1 is the correct answer, the rational choice. Bunny went with #2.

Three days and three bags of popcorn later, Bunny is wondering why her shrinkage seems to have backtracked at bit. Alright, let’s stop this right now by applying a few harsh but pertinent facts:

There are 2.5 servings in a one bag of Orville Reddenbacher Movie Theater Butter microwave popcorn. (How stupid is that, by the way? Of course Bunny eats the whole bag.) Each serving is 18G of fat and 170 calories. Times 2.5.  425 calories and 45 grams of fat.

Excuse us while we take that box of popcorn to Bunny’s car so she can leave it in the lunch room for all the skinny people to enjoy.

This is the ugly snarling food-eating monster waking up from her nap. This is how it starts. Before Bunny knows what hits her, she’s running to the market for a giant muffin as soon as she gets to work, having fries with her grilled chicken sandwich for lunch, making excuses to visit her assistant’s office so she can sneak 5 or 6 Hershey’s Kisses out of the candy jar, and wondering what’s for dessert.


It seems that Bunny benefits from having us breathe down her neck and peek around the corner at every move she makes.

No problem.  We’re on it.