Kale Chips???

Bunny met with Nancy Nutrition today.

To review, Nancy is the Carb-Hating Doctor’s co-conspirator in Bunny’s strictly-supervised weight-loss program.

She asked how Bunny was doing with her new low-carb diet. Bunny reported that she was bored to tears doing pretty well, but complained loudly that she was admitted to being a tad frustrated with the lack of choices.

Nancy made some suggestions.

Bunny, do you like potato chips?

Duh.

OK, good, I have a zero-carb option for you that you can make at home. It’s super easy.

OK. What is it?

Kale chips.

WHO chips??

Kale.

What color is that?

Kale is that green stuff they put along the edges of the salad bar. 

Oh. Yum.

Zero carbs, AND it’s a Superfood! It tastes like popcorn.

Bunny was skeptical, but Nancy Nutrition asked her to trust her. She handed her the recipe and asked her to promise to go home and make kale chips.

Bunny, a woman of her word, went home after a stop at the market, where she had to ask for help from the Nice Produce Man, who had to go into the back room to find kale.

So here’s how to make kale chips (since we know you’ve been waiting with bated breath):

You spray olive oil on a cookie sheet. Then you tear off pieces of kale, and arrange them on aforementioned cookie sheet. Sprinkle with sea salt, and bake at 350 for 5-10 minutes. Until brown.

Well, it never really got brown, and Bunny kind of overcooked it, and it did fill the kitchen with a definite kale-y aroma, but here they are. Kale chips.

mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

So how are they, Bunny?

Well, they’re not terrible at all. They’re weird, but OK. Kind of papery when you spatula them off the cookie sheet, and when you pop them into your mouth, the texture IS kind of popcorny, but do they taste like popcorn? Yeah, no. They have a strong, sort of  bitter flavor, but strangely, it’s not unpleasant. They’re a far cry from those nice Lay’s Classics, and they’re actually pretty ugly, not cute like potato chips. But they’re easy to make and when they cool off they are quite crunchy. They’ll do in a pinch. I put too much salt an them, though, and I burned them a bit.

Want some?

Um…..no thanks, Bunny.

Update: Bunny didn’t lose any weight this time, but she didn’t gain any, so her total loss stands at 14 pounds.

The Gory Details

So this new low-carb diet Bunny is on restricts her to no more than 25 carbs a day. No rice, no pasta, no bread, no dairy, no fruit, no sugar, no dessert, no fun.

And no tomatoes. Yet. They’ll let Bunny have tomatoes back (on a limited basis) in a month or so, if she’s losing weight. (And she’d better be.)

Yes, they’re using tomatoes (Bunny’s favorite food) as a carrot. (What a rotten thing to do to a bunny.)

Let us explain who “they” is. (Or is it “are”?)

“They” #1 is the Carb-Hating Doctor. “They” #2, her co-conspirator companion in this weight-loss program, is Nancy Nutritionist.

Bunny goes to the doctor’s office every 10 days,  rain or shine. One time she sees Nancy. Next time, she sees the Doctor. Next, she just sees the nurse for the dreaded weigh-in. 1,2,3, lather, rinse, repeat. This cycle will continue until Bunny’s buns are shrunk. (Or is it “shrunken”? Paging Grammar Girl, please pick up the white courtesy telephone…)

The Doctor wants Bunny under her thumb. A weigh-in every 10 days gives Bunny absolutely no room to stray, and that’s exactly the way the Doctor likes it. She’s evil a smart Doctor.

So Bunny is firmly entrenched under the Carb-Hating Doctor’s thumb, eating her 25 carbs a day and dreaming of tomatoes.

Since Bunny started this program, just over a month ago, she has gone on a cruise (with Trudy! They made up!), and has dealt with Thanksgiving. Even with these extreme food challenges…

Bunny has lost 14 pounds!

<pause for thunderous applause>

And the best part? Are you ready?

Bunny had to buy smaller jeans!

Size 18! Her 20’s were falling off! What better evidence can there be that Bunny’s buns are shrinking?

Stay tuned!

We’re Back from Our BunnyNap!

Hi.

We’re back.

Did you miss us?

We took a break for a while.

We were kind of stuck. Bunny wasn’t losing weight, and when you’re writing a weight-loss blog, you eventually run out of content when nobody’s actually losing weight.

Plus–and please don’t be offended by this–we kind of felt like we were talking to the walls. We have lots of hits on our BunnyBlog every day, even while we were BunnyNapping, but very little feedback. So y’all are out there, and that’s fantastically awesome, but we sort of just kind of didn’t know whether you were coming because we were entertaining you, educating you, or if you just liked to look at the cute clipart.

So, we all needed a break.

But things have changed!

Bunny’s buns are shrinking!!!!

So here’s what happened. One day, Bunny went to her Bunnycologist, and the nurse took her blood pressure. It was high.

Uh-oh.

This scared Bunny, so she finally broke down and made an appointment with her regular doctor–you remember her, right? We call her the Carb-Hating Doctor. She’s a very good doctor, but she gives Bunny that withering look of abject disapproval, and she’s kind of scary.

Bunny had successfully avoided the Carb-Hating Doctor for some time. But now her blood pressure was worrisome, and she was just scared, so she bit the bullet and went to stand in front of the firing squad.

As she was waiting in the examination room for the Carb-Hating Doctor’s first appearance, she grabbed a flyer from the rack on the wall. It was about a weight-loss program the doctor was recommending. Bunny started to read it–not because she was really interested, but mostly because she knew the doctor would have already seen the results of her weigh-in, and Bunny hoped that if the doctor saw her reading this, maybe she wouldn’t kill her. Flyer as Shield–would it work?

It did, mostly. The Carb-Hating Doctor didn’t kill her. She did give her that withering look, though.

And Bunny was on the program before she left the office. 25 carbs a day maximum, no tomatoes or cheese for the first wave.

You may recall that tomatoes are Bunny’s favorite food. Ugh.

By the way, Bunny’s blood pressure was just fine, despite her Fear of Doctorly Disapproval and Not-Niceness. Apparently, that one elevated blood pressure reading was the Universe telling Bunny it was time to go to the doctor.

So here we go again.

Let’s get this party started!!!!