So Bunny’s new diet is boring.

NutritionistThe last time Bunny lost a bunch of weight on a low-carb diet, there was a set of rules she understood and mostly followed. (Anyway, she followed enough of them that she got into a size 8.) Now that the Carb-Hating Doctor has brought Nancy Nutrition on the scene, there are more rules. New rules. The playing field has changed. Notable among these news rules are:

Limited proteins:Bacon, cheese, and beef are limited to three times a week. Total, not each.

Bacon and Eggs

What this means to Bunny is that if she puts cheese in an omelette and has a side of bacon with it (not a whole side, that’s half a pig…what we mean is a side order, 3 or 4 slices), anyway, if she does that, then she has trashed her limited proteins for the week and only has one left. Bunny doesn’t like this. She likes to have cheese sticks as snacks, and to sprinkle queso on her chicken-fajitas-no-tortilla-rice-or-beans (essentially a sizzling plate of grilled chicken with a little guacamole and salsa for your dipping pleasure) at the cantina across the street. 

Net Carbs: You know those low-carb candy things they used to sell all over the place until the Carb Fad ended a few years ago? Well, those were helpful in Bunny’s weight loss. She only had 25 carbs allowed each day on that last diet, but because those goodies were made with sugar alcohol, you were allowed to subtract the sugar alcohol carbs, AND the fiber carbs. (Why? We have absolutely no idea. Bunny failed chemistry, and so did we.) So, a snack that was 18 carbs went down to 3 net carbs. Bunny counted it as 3, and all was well. Size 8.

Well, Nancy Nutrition has called a halt to that, and net carbs are a no-go on the new diet. Count the carbs, not the net carbs. Net carbs are for diabetics, she said, and have nothing to do with weight loss.

Oh, poo.Tomato

Tomatoes: On that last diet, the Carb-Hating Doctor let her eat tomatoes, she just said to watch it because they’re carby. Bunny happily munched her favorite snack, and it was ok. Now Nancy Nutrition says NO TOMATOES. EVER. THEY ARE A FRUIT. NONE. ZERO. ZIP.

So there are the new rules. Bunny liked the old rules better. She lost weight with the old rules. Why are we adding new ones when the old ones worked? (Did we mention, Size 8?)

On her last visit with Nancy Nutrition, Bunny hadn’t lost much weight. Two pounds in a month (a pound  a week is what her dietary supervisors are insisting on hoping for). Nancy tried to figure out why her weight loss was slow, and Bunny ended up whining about all of the above, tossing in an extra whine about how drab her morning shake is without a banana.

Nancy Nutrition said:  OK, this isn’t going to work if you’re miserable, and nothing made by Mother Nature is going to make you fat. So let’s make a deal. Eat tomatoes, cheese, bananas, as you like. Don’t go overboard, though. Make healthy choices every time. Let’s see how you do. If you can still lose weight while adding in these foods, it’s OK with me. Just keep a food log so I can see what you’re doing.

You’ve got it, Nancy!! Let’s go!!!!!!!!

Oh, boy. Bunny’s REALLY got to lose weight now. We can just hear Nancy Nutrition’s I-told-you-so-now-stop-whining-and-go-back-to-doing-it-my-way speech.

Hello, tomatoes! Bunny’s missed you!