Team Bunny

Bunny needs some motivation.

She’s daunted by the task ahead of her. She can’t get started on the next phase of her weight-loss journey.

She keeps falling off the wagon. Well, not the wagon, she’s not a drinker…let’s call it the bus.

Yes, the team bus. Team Bunny’s bus.

It’s kind of like a team on the way to a football game, and everybody’s on board, but the key player keeps stopping the bus, climbing out and sitting on the curb.

This is not the way to win the game.

Bunny likes football. Actually, she LOVES football.

So let’s use that to help her get to the finish line!

Let’s see who’s on the bus:

• Bunny. She’s the star player, the one who does all the work.
• Mollie, Bunny’s gym buddy. She can be the team trainer and Defensive Coordinator. Her job is to make sure Bunny gets to the gym and doesn’t suffer any injuries.
• Your humble bloggers. We’re the Offensive Coordinator. We call the plays.
• Cheerleaders. That’s you.

Pardon us. We have to go find a bus. We’ll be back soon.

Anybody know a marching band that works cheap?

Ode to the Tomato

Bunny loves tomatoes.

Seriously.

She won’t eat a sandwich without one. (The single exception is pastrami. Pastrami and tomatoes just don’t go together.)

She insists on their inclusion in salads, as well. (Except Caesar salad. Caesar is the pastrami sandwich of salads.)

In restaurants, when ordering burgers or sandwiches, Bunny always says, “no lettuce, LOTS of tomatoes.”  This normally results in the addition of one, possibly two, extra slices to her plate. This, in turn, results in a raised eyebrow. A good waiter will catch this and ask Bunny if she’d like more tomatoes, which results in a happy “that would be GREAT!” A not-so-great waiter will miss the signal entirely, which may possibly result in a slight gratuity diminishment. Especially if they’re squishy.

Why do restaurants serve squishy tomatoes? Ew.

Here is a photographic representation of what Bunny means by “LOTS of tomatoes.”

LBS. (the best burger restaurant on Earth) at the Red Rock Resort in Las Vegas got it right.

IVillage.com calls tomatoes a summer superfood, and says that Early New England colonists believed tomatoes were poisonous.

It makes us wonder about the first person to taste-test any food. Milk, in particular. How on earth did THAT happen? Would you EVER have CONSIDERED taste-testing that? (ewwww…)

Thank goodness some brave soul did the dirty work for us.

Back to tomatoes. Tomatoes are nutritious. An excellent source of lycopene, a phytochemical that helps reduce the risk of prostate cancer. (Bunny isn’t too worried about prostate cancer, but what the heck.) They are also chock full of Vitamin C and potassium.

And let’s not forget the undeniable fact that tomatoes are pretty cute.

These versatile fruits disguised as veggies come in all kinds of shapes and colors. Big ones can be sliced and put on a burger, little round ones can be tossed into a salad. They are fruits, even though they act more like a veggie. Bunny wouldn’t toss a tomato in her morning breakfast shake, but she would have it as a side dish with dinner. Sounds pretty veggie to us.

Many of Bunny’s favorite dishes involve tomatoes:

• Sliced tomatoes, mozzarella, fresh basil and olive oil. Insalata caprese!
• Tomatoes with a dollop of bleu cheese dressing and a sprinkling of pepper!
• Tomatoes, cottage cheese, flaxseed, and Kashi GoLean cereal!
• Or, they’re just fine and dandy all by themselves.

Their versatility expands significantly with the application of heat, but Bunny’s not a fan of cooked tomatoes. Sure, tomato sauce has its uses, as does ketchup, but in general, she prefers her tomatoes raw and cool.

Speaking of cool, Bunny has read that tomatoes should not be refrigerated. Bull-hockey! she replies as she gently places her 8-lb./$18 bag of tomatoes in the crisper compartment of her GE Profile. She can eat them cold if she wants. Just try and stop her.

Bunny’s best friend was viciously attacked by a tomato seed as a child, resulting in a horrific trip to the emergency room to extract it from his eye. Consequently, whenever they’re at a restaurant, he immediately scoops his tomatoes onto her plate. This is one good reason why he is her best friend. Buff doesn’t do that. He asks the waiter not to bring the tomatoes. Can you imagine? What’s WRONG with him?? NEVER hold the tomatoes! Give them to Bunny!

Bunny has tried repeatedly to grow her favorite little treats, but her efforts always fail. We suspect another attempt is in the offing, though.

All hail the humble tomato!

How to Survive a Labor Day BBQ Without Gaining 4,000 lbs.

Dear Lord, lead me not into temptation.
Deliver me from chips and guacamole.
Yea, though I stand right next to the bar,
I will fear no wine spritzer, for thou art with me.

But just in case that doesn’t work…

Conventional wisdom says you should eat before you arrive at the BBQ so you’re not hungry.

This kind of statement really ticks Bunny off.

Why does everyone talk about hunger?

Even Weight Watchers has that damned Hungry monster on its ads.

Hunger has nothing to do with anything!

Do these people know ANYTHING about mindless, emotional, unthinking, just-because-it’s-there eating?

If Bunny only ate when she was hungry, she’d be a size four.

SIGHT is the problem, not hunger. You SEE chips and guacamole, and your REFLEXES (another accomplice) kick in as you reach for the tasty morsels. Again and again. And then more later. And yet again as you look around to make sure nobody’s watching you grab your third plate-full.

As you’re leaning your head back to consume the chip fiesta, your plan for what you should be eating falls out of you ear, lands on the ground and dies a hideous death.

Goodbye, memory. See ya later, focus and resolve.

You forget your plan, you forget that you’re not hungry, and you forget to stop grabbing more chips.

And then there’s alcohol.

Oh, that’s a REAL problem.

Alcohol, even the teensiest, most innocent amount, attacks your clarity,  your resolve, and your waistline. It also keeps you from losing weight, just on its own.

Unfortunately, it also makes the party more fun, especially if you have to endure boring conversations about lawsuits and politics and working out.

So here’s the plan.

Bring something you like to eat that’s not TOO awful, diet-wise.

Bunny loves tomatoes. She has had success at BBQs by bringing caprese salad. Tons of tomatoes, a little mozzarella, basil, a drizzle of olive oil. Make it look cute and gifty, and stick as close to it as you can as the party progresses.

Bunny can happily munch on tomatoes and carrot sticks, and generally stay pretty happy. It doesn’t always happen that way, but the odds are reasonable.

If you’re forced into a spot right next to the chips and they start their siren call, look for salsa.

Salsa is a much better choice than guacamole or God Forbid Dip. In fact, if the salsa is yummy enough, scoop it on your plate and eat it with a spoon.

Salsa can be your friend in a situation like this. It’s her boyfriend Chip who will throw you under the bus.

Here’s one last tip:

LEAVE BEFORE THEY SERVE DESSERT.

Good luck with your BBQs, and Happy Labor Day!
Have a great weekend!

There’s Nothing Worse Than a Sneaky Doctor

Bunny’s doctor used to berate her when she didn’t lose weight.

Now she has a new tactic.

Today, she tried asking ever so nicely and coercing Bunny to promise.

Please, Bunny, would you do me a favor? The next time you come to see me, would you promise that you will have lost just a little weight? Even three or five pounds would make me so happy.

Maybe it’s better to have a male doctor. Women are too sneaky, and light years better than men at manipulation.

At least if you’re going to have a woman doctor, it would be nice if she wasn’t quite so whip-smart. On second thought, having a doctor who’s a dummy would be a bad thing.

OK, Miss Smarty Pants Manipulating Physician. We’re on it.

The Bunster is at the gym right now doing battle with the elliptical.

She can’t break that promise.